Yesterday morning I was a horrible mother. I didn’t get the paper my son needed me to sign. I apparently left it in his backpack. Scandalous. I lost his papers he left out on the table, two weeks ago. Unacceptable. I apparently didn’t do all this stuff he was supposed to do so my reward, a blown up, bent out of shape, pissed at me, explosive, angry kid.

Cool, I got this. Been here before. As he went off devouring his stew of madness, I bit my lip. I took a breath. I resisted the urge to be really, really snarky. Oh, believe me I had some super awesome sarcastic comments up my sleeve. I resisted the urge to yell. Trust me, I am an awesome yeller. It was time to take my daughter to school so I left him at the breakfast table stewing.

In the car, with my daughter I spoke out my anger. Not at her. To her. Voiced my frustration. Gave my feelings some air, let them out. Then before we were even two blocks away, I focused on her. I switched hats. I was able to be present to her, she was who I was with, she was who my attention was on. The drive back alone gave me some time to honor what I was feeling in regards to the morning blow up.

When I came home we had five minutes before we had to walk to the bus. I put my frustrated hat back on choosing to wear it differently this time. Visible to my son just not waving it all around in an uproar. Oh, and I can wave around my anger in an uproar. Yes, I get pissed off and highly agitated. I have learned that it gets me nowhere fast.

There is a way to be in touch with my anger without hurting others. Yes, I have hurt my children with it for sure. I can be scary mama and I am not saying that lightly. Yesterday I chose to learn and grow from my anger not display it like an enraged lion.

My son saw my face as I sat at the breakfast table with him sipping my tea.

What’s wrong, mom?

I am not upset at you, I am upset with your behavior and how you acted so I need some time to just be mad.

I took a breath. I had another sip of tea.

See mad doesn’t have to look ugly. Trust me I have worn that look. I have jumped on his roller coaster and joined in the madness many times. Far too many times. Yesterday I didn’t pretend all was hunky-dory to protect him and keep him from getting upset again. I spoke out what I was feeling. He didn’t change gears, defend or get wound back up. He saw that mom being mad doesn’t have to come with yelling. It can be mom sipping her tea, speaking her truth.

While I was gone taking sister to school, guess who found the paper for me to sign? Guess who found their lost drawings? Guess who stopped eating angry stew and instead was eating humble pie as he realized he forgot, misplaced, ignored all those things he blamed on me?

I didn’t rub it in. I acknowledged to myself and my children my frustration. I tried my very best to model anger without exploding. It worked.

Yesterday’s morning madness left me inspired to try new things when it comes to my son blaming me for his “stuff”. I am inspired to do less for him when it comes to these matters so that he can do more, empowering himself. I am encouraged to speak out my anger when it is bubbling within instead of hiding behind a fake smile or exploding like a mad woman.

I believe our emotions lead us to where we need to go next. Anger is not bad, it is what you do with your anger that matters. You have a choice for your anger to take you to a crazy place or a growing place. It was time for my kids to see me model patience and calm while still recognizing my frustration. It is time for my son to take responsibility for his actions and that is something that is easier to learn when the person in front of him is not picking up all the pieces.

When we walked to the bus he was still a bit grumpy that I had actually been annoyed and affected by his actions. I let him be.  I was moving to a new place after honoring my anger and he let me be. We walked side by side aware each of us was a little different. Aware that being in touch and expressing what we are feeling doesn’t have to hurt the other and doesn’t have to be all messy and crazy even when it is anger we are experiencing. I have learned when I give myself permission to feel what I need to feel and allow others to do the same, healing comes quicker than I could imagine. Growth comes when you stop doing what is not working and take a new direction. When you not only look within but when you look all around you, trusting in possibility. Believing that there is beauty in the ugliness and anger doesn’t have to be the enemy.

The next time you feel angry are you open to channel your emotion an effective way? In the direction of new awareness, positive action, and healing growth? Be gentle with yourself, anger has a place and it is a feeling that you don’t have to be afraid of, for it wants to guide you to the next place.

Cheers, Jenny