Friday’s Free Refill: Don’t Guess, Ask, Allow

We want to control what happen to our kiddos but holding their hand to tightly prevents them from having the falls, adventures, lessons, life they need.

We want to control what happens to our kiddos, but holding their hand too tightly prevents them from having the falls, adventures, lessons, and life they are here to live.

We know our kids. We anticipate their words, expect their actions and know without a shadow of a doubt how they will respond. Oh, boy have I ever underestimated and overestimated their truth, missing the mark a thousand times with my assumptions.

 

My teenage daughter, starting her freshman year of high school next week, is teaching me that I don’t fully know her. Phew. There is so much to her, how could I possibly? I know a glimpse. She is showing me new parts of her beautiful, multifaceted self. She is enlightening me every day that she is full of possibility. As she grows, changes and blossoms, I step back and watch instead of jumping in and fixing, expecting, anticipating and assuming.  As I step back, I allow.

 

We gave birth to our children but our job is to allow them to grow their own wings.

We gave birth to our children, but our job is to allow them to grow their own wings.

My sweet bird, her nick-name given at birth, had high school soccer tryouts this week. It was a tryout for all of us. Mom. Dad. Brother and oh, yes, her the athlete. Her dad and I were wrapped up in it all.  We weren’t even at the soccer field, but we wanted to share, support and protect. We “knew” what she needed. In reality, we need to shut the F’ up and let her tryout unfold naturally without our 2 cents. With dad, a soccer player his whole life and her former coach, her number one fan, away on business, he would call each night in hopes of an update, a check-in on how it all went. At home her brother and I wanted to know too. How did it go? Her brother asked each night at dinner.

 

It was clear we were asking too much. One look from our Scorpio daughter, I knew to not ask any more questions.

Later in the kitchen after that first day of practice, minding my own business, she came to me in tears. She thought she hadn’t done her best. (I allowed her to cry and waited until she asked me for a hug. Not a crier, she thanked me for letting her cry.) The next night, no tears, but she didn’t feel confident. (I gave her a short mom cheer of believing in her and then remembered what a friend said to me earlier that day that that’s what girls do, “think they didn’t do well.”) Then the morning of the last tryout her club soccer coach sent an email to all the girls trying out for high school. It was really a great email for me, the mama. She talked about coaches seeing only a “snapshot” of a player and that not all coaches see the same “snapshot.”

 

Sweet Bird’s snapshot landed her on the JVC team. 60 girls trying out for 45 spots. Oh, man the hormones and energy on that field, I can only imagine. The results were emailed to us late at night when the whole house was asleep. In the morning, I read the results, wondering if my daughter had seen it yet, wondered how she felt. Should I wake her? Should I write her a letter and slip it under her door? Should I fix her favorite breakfast? I breathed. I didn’t need to guess what she needed and instead needed to allow her to tell me. I didn’t need to assume her reaction I needed to let it happen.

 

We need to get out of our children's way so they can forge their own path.

We need to get out of our children’s way so they can forge their own path.

I left the house before she woke and texted her to reach out when she was awake. When we spoke on the phone a couple of hours after I had left the house I didn’t need to greet her with sappy, “oh, sorry babe, how you doin’ babe” love. I let her say, “You probably know I made the C team?” I simply said, “Yes, Congratulations.” We didn’t know where she would land, but we were probably all hoping and think JV.

 

Her next words, were clear, grown up, direct. “I have a goal to make JV by the end of the season.”

 

I told her that was a great goal. I thought about asking what she needed me to do for her, but it was clear, she got this. I wasn’t needed to create a plan, motivate, inspire, console. Just listen.

 

Here’s the thing, I wanted to say a whole lot more. I bit my tongue. She was clearly happy with landing on the JVC team and she had a plan, I didn’t need to say anything.

 

We want our kids to be happy and we think we know what they need. We are often very wrong. Sweet Bird was receiving just what she needed. This is her soccer path. Not her dad’s, not mine, but hers alone. It is killing her dad, not that she made JVC, but that now she has to be self-motivated. He believes he is her (they do both play a kick ass defending position on the field) and is questioning her self-motivation. He asked me (he never asks me this stuff) to coach him on this. And I told him that the best thing he can do is nothing. Allow her to figure it out. He hated this, but says he will try.

 

I want to tell our son things because he is me, hubby wants to tell our daughter things because she is him. That is where we need to STOP. They are parts of us, but they are them. When we allow them to fall and pick themselves up we are doing the best thing we can. Allowing this process kills us parents, right? We need to allow it to grow us because it certainly grows our children, we know this. We may just not want to live this.

 

What would happen if you didn’t anticipate your child’s reaction and you allowed them to figure out their own response before you interject yours?

 

We gave our children life, but they get to discover and grow their own wings.

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Friendly Connection

 

We often allow the busy responsibility of motherhood to get in the way of nurturing our friendships. It doesn't have to be this way.

We often allow the busy responsibility of motherhood to get in the way of nurturing our friendships. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Yesterday morning was mine. No one had to be at swim team, a wellness-check doctor visit, a soccer practice or some other scheduled event. I made two dates. Breakfast with one friend, pedicure appointment with another and left the kids at home.

So good to laugh. So wonderful to be heard, to listen, to share, to be in the company of a girlfriend who understands with humor, compassion and grace.

Although the breakfast was absolutely delicious, the coffee strong, it wasn’t the food and drink that filled my cup, it was the connection across the table. My friend and I vented, created plans, supported one another with our presence.

Later in the morning, even though my new sky blue pedicure makes me smile it wasn’t having the dead skin scrubbed off my feet that filled my cup. It was the shared conversation. It was the kindred connection.

I don’t know about you, but summertime at my house is mostly about the kids busy schedule and family time. Although wonderful, sometimes draining. When and how do you find connection? Is it through your friendships? And if yes, how do you nurture those friendships in the season of “everyone home from school”?

If you need a nudge, reach out to a friend today. A phone call, a text, a letter, or stop by her house and surprise her. Make one step today toward connection, if you are feeling a little out of sorts, you will find yourself again, I am certain.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Book It

 

Dear Holders of the Cup, No blog today. Instead I used my blog time to work on my book, the one brewing inside of me, the one I am writing for you, for me, for all who can use a refill. If you are having a challenge to find time to do what you love, is there something you can give up to make room?  Happy Cup Fillin’! Cheers! Jenny

Dear Holders of the Cup,
No blog today. Instead I used my blog time to work on my book, the one brewing inside of me, the one I am writing for you, for me, for all who can use a refill. If you are having a challenge to find time to do what you love, is there something you can give up to make room? 
Happy Cup Fillin’!
Cheers! Jenny

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

 

Friday’s Free Refill: Thank You, That Made My Day

After dinner coffee. This week at a birthday celebration dinner for a friend she went around the table and thanked each girlfriend for being in her life, sharing how their paths connected. Some of us itched when it was our turn to be spoken of, but deep down the acknowledgment filled us all up to overflowing.

After dinner coffee. This week at a birthday celebration dinner for a friend she went around the table and thanked each girlfriend for being in her life, sharing how their paths connected. Some of us itched when it was our turn to be spoken of, but deep down the acknowledgment filled us all up to overflowing.

Receiving is necessary. Difficult for many but oh, so necessary. When someone says to you, “You look great”. We often rebut with, “Oh, I need a hair cut, I haven’t showered in days, I have never been fatter.”  Or my common go to reaction, “Are you high?”

If they tell us, “You are a good mom,” we may counter with, “You should have heard me an hour ago yelling at my kids.”

What happened to, “Thank you?”  

“Thank you for saying that. What a nice thing to say, I needed that. I appreciate that, thanks so much.”  All responses that invite receiving.

Instead of breathing in another’s gift of love and affirmation, we push it away.

If someone bought you a lovely gift from Nordstrom, wrapped it with a pretty bow and gave it to you on your birthday, would you say, “Oh no, I don’t deserve this take it back immediately?”  Probably, not.

Words of affirmation in my book are far more priceless than something that comes in a gift box. They open us up on deep leve. The words validate and say, “Hey, I see you. Hi, you are doing a wonderful job. You are showing up in this world beautifully. By the way, you rock!”

Instead we crumble them up and throw them back in their face. We basically tell them they are wrong then we turn around and compliment them on how great they are. What if a smile, a hug, a thank you, was the return gift? You empower another with a thank you. People love to give, especially women, so when you receive their compliment, words of praise, it is an opportunity to allow someone else to give.

In receiving you allow a refill for your soul to happen. It’s as though you are holding out your cup and someone is ready to assist in your refill. Instead of reacting with “return to sender” give yourself a chance to breathe it in. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable with the focus on you, take a breath, be aware of the gift you are receiving.

Will you pay attention to your opportunities to receive? Will you wake up to the gifts around you and breathe them in with gratitude and appreciation?

And by the way, You are beautiful. You are doing an amazing job as a human being. You are perfect and whole as you are, you are more than enough.

You’re welcome.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Rituals for Sanity

You know I am smiling as I post this blog on a very wet, cloud filled morning. Hello Rain! Welcome! (This hot cup of tea was poured on an 80 degree day earlier this week, hot tea is ritual that soothes me, no matter the weather.)

I am smiling as I post this blog on a very wet, cloud filled morning. Hello Rain! Welcome! (This hot cup of tea was poured on an 80 degree day earlier this week, hot tea is a ritual that soothes me, no matter the weather.)

Summer is not my season. Every June I expand and open a little bit more to my least favorite time of year, aiming to give it another try, as if I had a choice. The season comes no matter my opinion of it. My attitude shifts to positivity yet still no matter what the heat, summer responsibilities, the agenda, and so many other details in between to continually remind me that this isn’t my preferred time of year. Instead of wishing it away I bring my rituals from other times of the year into the season to help keep my head above water.

A regular meditator, my practice really saves me in the summer. While my kids are in the pool, teaching swim lessons to little ones and attending their own team practices, I grab headphones and find a tree. Sitting in the shade I meditate. A challenge with pool noises in the background. But a challenge that enhances my practice. The music shifts me and draws me within. I focus on my breath. I am brought to my happy place.

I started coloring at the pool. An activity that calms me and gets me out of my head. I am reading a good murder mystery too. These three things help keep me from loosing it. Some can be totally happy siting at the pool amidst screaming children every day for four hours. Not me. So I plan ahead. I pack my bag of what will bring me peace. (Too early in the day for cocktails.)

I practice the things that I know facilitate a peaceful mind and I try new things to open my heart. It works. I hold a mostly full cup at the end of the day, ready for the next season but standing in this one.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: You Hold the Power

When will you run out of excuses to do or not do the thing you have been thinking about doping or stopping for some time now?

When will you run out of excuses to do or not do the thing you have been thinking about doping or stopping for some time now?

Change starts with me. If I desire to release a habit, stop a behavior, begin a new project, I am the only one standing in my way. I can blame time, kids, my responsibilities, the weather, my husband, the dog. You name it and absolutely anything can be an excuse. A legitmate excuse.

I can read books, hire a life coach, see a psychic, go to a therapist, meditate on the situation, pray, but in  the end the only one responsible for making it happen is me. Whether it’s to finish writing the book I have been “working on” for eight years, start an exercise program, call a friend, stop cussing like a sailor, I am the only one who can pick up the pen, get off my butt, dial the phone or close my mouth.

We are powerful beings holding the keys to our future. We get confused, overwhelmed, tangled up in life,and redirected by responsibilities, eventually it comes down to willingness. What are we willing to do and not do. Reasons set aside it is about moving our feet, taking the action, stepping aside. It’s okay to make excuses, it is human to do so, but in the end you are the only one who can say, “I choose to do this, I choose to stop making up excuses. I choose to step out of my own way.”

The best advice, the most inspirational wisdom I can attribute truth to are the words of Nike, “Just Do It.”

Put down the bad habit that’s not helping, turn your back on the behavior you loathe, start over, make the call, send the email, spend the time, get the thing, ask the person, strap on your shoes, and simply stop making it so difficult.  Just. Do. It. Don’t look back.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

 

Friday’s Free Refill: Walk to Full

Sure we walked all day long at Disneyland, but nothing beats a quiet walk in nature to attend to my physical cup!

Sure we walked all day long at Disneyland, but nothing beats a quiet walk in nature to attend to my physical cup!

Today is Day 12 of our 13 day road trip. Yesterday, we were staying put and didn’t have to get in the car and drive anywhere. A welcome relief. I was able to partake in one of my daily rituals – going for a walk – which has been put on hold here on the road.

It felt so go good, like connecting with an old friend. Walking in silence. Connecting to nature, God, my best self. I was in new territory, on an unfamiliar path, but I felt right at home. Walking gets me out of my head and into my heart. Even though I am doing something for my physical cup, moving my body, I receive an emotional, mental, and spiritual refill as well. Life giving all over.

A former runner, I once thought walking was an old person’s activity. I don’t consider myself old at 48 and I find great enjoyment in walking. Perhaps not like that good ‘ole runner’s high, but something better. A complete grounding. A connection to Mother Nature, just as good as any high.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Unconditional

 

Driving in a car on a long trip with those you love gives you lots of practice on being nice.

Driving in a car on a long trip with those you love gives you lots of practice on being nice.

Earlier this week I hopped behind the steering wheel of our mini-van with my kids and mother as passengers and we hit the highway. Twelve day road trip. Eight hours into Day 1, I got a little short remarked and sassy with my mom. I was quick to apologize.

“That wasn’t my best tone. Sorry mom.”

“Honey,” she replied. That wasn’t a sassy tone. I’ve heard worse.

“Well, I know I could have said it nicer. How many sassy – snarky chances do I get in a day this trip? I asked her. “Three, like in baseball?”

“How about as many as necessary. I will love you unconditionally, despite your tone.”

I didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve sassy. She was better than snarky.

On Day 5 of our road trip I have kept each day’s count under three. Yesterday, was a test and I kept reminding myself to be kind. I listened before I spoke. I breathed a lot.

At 84 years old, my mama still is able to love me despite all the years of sass. She is my role model, my hero.

I am reminding myself it is not what you say, but how you say it and that makes all the difference. With practice, I am showing up as my best self, with only a touch of sass.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: The Next Season

 

As our children grow and change when we step back a little bit more each step of the way we are not separating, we are allowing them more space to expand their wings.

As our children grow and change when we step back a little bit more each step of the way we are not separating, we are allowing them more space to expand their wings.

Time of transition around our house this week.

On Wednesday our son graduated from 5th grade and is moving on to middle school in the fall. Last night our daughter’s 8th grade promotion ceremony marked the fact that she is moving on to high school. I am now the mother to a middle school boy and a high school girl.

Not sure how that happened. I am not sad about time passing by quickly or our kiddos growing up so fast. I am grateful. In awe. Delighted by the witnessing of these young lives blossoming before my very eyes.

Change and transition doesn’t always come with a ceremony and a reason to celebrate. Often the changes we experience and observe come without fanfare or warning. All of a sudden one day, things are different. Not like yesterday.

It is common to lament the past and want the old ways to reappear. Often with change comes resistance. In this case of our children moving on I am reflective and in appreciation for being a part of their journey. The change for me is letting go a little bit more with each step of independence. But letting go is not separation. It is an opportunity to allow them to take up more space, find their own path and make their own footprints.

Is there change in your home, recently? How do you embrace transition? If you are having a hard time with it, I invite you to try on gratitude and gentleness. Be thankful.  Be gentle with yourself to feel what comes up for you.

Enjoy the adventure.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Always Changing

Time alone one day, time with others the next. Hard workout at the gym, taking it easy and sleeping in. To bed early, to bed late. What ever your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs they change daily. Pay attention. Listen to your body. Honor the answers from your heart.

Time alone one day, time with others the next. Hard workout at the gym, taking it easy and sleeping in. To bed early, to bed late. What ever your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs they change daily. Pay attention. Listen to your body. Honor the answers from your heart.

Even for those of us who are creatures of habit, we all change. You are different today then you were yesterday. Sure there are fundamental things about you that I believe remain the same, but on a whole, as a whole being, you are always changing.

Consider your needs. They have most definitely changed over the years. Something at one time that served you in a nurturing way may no longer be of need. So as you continue on your path of life, check-in with your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. What is calling you today may be a new awareness. Pay attention. Seek within. Listen. Act.  And please, please honor your longings. Those nudges are your Divine self guiding you in the right direction.

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Wednesday September 28th in West Seattle.  info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

 

Friday’s Free Refill: Summer Refill

This summer as the kids are telling you what they want to do now that school is out, honoring your needs will keep everyone holding a full cup.

This summer as the kids are telling you what they want to do now that school is out, honoring your needs will keep everyone holding a full cup.

This morning a group of women will gather for a sold out mini-retreat that will center around the idea of keeping a full cup this summer. With kids home from school, the summer is often centered around the children’s needs, maintaining their happiness, avoiding boredom and creating good memories. This is all for the children. What about Mama?

Many full time working moms schedule camp time to pass the days and keep their kiddos occupied. If you are at home with the kids this is a transition for all involved. That time when the kids are at school is no longer just for you. Whether you work from home or use that time to take care of you or organize and maintain the household, it’s different now with other people under the roof.

Do you have a plan to maintain your happiness, avoid boredom and create good memories for you?

Here are some ideas to support you:

  • Make space for what fills you with joy. Put it at the top of your list. Whether it’s a conversation with a friend, creating art, reading a book, or going for a run, make it a priority. A daily dose of a bit of joy does a mama good.
  • Switch up your routine. Try something new whether it is visiting a new place, experimenting with a new activity, or cooking something not typically on the menu. Attack that project you haven’t had time for in the past, make the time now.
  • Create family intentions. Allow every family member to come up with an activity all can participate in during the summer. Everyone gets to choose.
  • Set daily intentions. In the morning decide what is important for you to accomplish that day along with how you desire to feel at the end of the day. Write down your daily intentions. Then choose a word that can act as your anchor, your reminder to how you want to feel at the end of the day. For example, let’s say I want to have a successful life coaching session with my client and take the kids on a fun outing afterward, at the same time desiring to crawl into bed feeling peaceful. I may choose Peace as my anchor word to tether me to the feeling I desire to manifest.
  • Delegate chores. When we ask for help from our children we empower their abilities which promotes confidence. Keep your expectations written down in a place all can see. Ask them what they want to do to help maintain the household. Take this opportunity to teach them how to do a chore they have yet to do. Let go of perfection and be grateful for the help.

As we step into this new season be open to possibility, new opportunities for change and growth. Ask for what you need and offer what you can. The summer doesn’t have to just be for the kids, it can be a time for you too. Listen to your needs and honor them.

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master LifeT Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Friday June 3rd  in West Seattle is sold out, mark Wednesday September 28th on your calendar! info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: There is a Time

 

There is a time, when you throw out all the plotting, scheming and drama to simply put all that effort you have put into thinkinMonday morning I was awakened at 6:30 by the sound of our front door closing. Who was leaving? Who was coming home? Turns out my hubby had just returned from an hour walk to the beach.

Huh? Who is this man and what has he done with my husband?

My hubby looked at me all sweaty, wiping his brow, “I was tired of thinking about it. You know I’ve been wanting to walk for a long time now.”

Hubby is not a morning person. For the twenty something years we have known each other he abhors morning exercise. Lately, for a long time now, he has been talking about the morning time being the only opportunity he has to exercise. Three times this week now he has embarked on his new commitment, creating a new habit that has been on his mind for some time.

That’s how I was with meditation. I thought about it for ten years before I did anything about it.

We can think about it, talk about it, seek inspiration and help from others until finally one day, all that gets old and we realize, It Is Time. No big fan fare. Minus the drama. Simply enough is enough and it is time to put our money where our mouth is and step forward. Day dreaming has served its purpose. Time for action.

I think we need to honor the fact that sometimes we have to think about it and let the idea stir within us long enough before we are willing to make a change.

My husband is walking now. I am meditating now. The next thing that perhaps we are both tired of talking about is date night. We are having lunch together today. Don’t tell, but it will be our second lunch date in a month. Our second in nearly eighteen years of marriage.

Talking and thinking gets old so you just do it. Is there something you are sick of thinking about and bored with talking about? Is the only thing standing in your way your own feet? Ready to move them?

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Friday June 3rd  in West Seattle is sold out, mark Wednesday September 28th on your calendar! info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Letting Go, Life Giving For All

Letting go means something unique and personal to each of us. When I let go of how I "think" I should be or how I "think" things should unfold, something much bigger than me happens. I get to witness a miracle.

Letting go means something unique and personal to each of us. When I let go of how I “think” I should be or how I “think” things should unfold, something much bigger than me happens. I get to witness a miracle.

In the midst of our morning routine yesterday my teenage daughter who is very independent and not super talkative in the early hours of the day, surprises me when she asks, “Mom are you busy?”

With those words I drop everything, even though, yes, I was busy. “I am headed to get dressed,” I tell her. “Do you need something, honey?”

“Never mind, I thought you were going to the kitchen to make brother’s lunch.”

“Are you sure?” I walk to the bathroom where she is getting ready.

“I’m sure,” she tells me.

Very typical of me to want to help even though the clock is ticking and wearing pants to drive my daughter to middle school is probably a good thing. Despite protocol, pants or no pants, when my daughter needs me, I will walk on broken glass or run into a burning building for her. What’s the big deal if I go out the door in underwear if it means getting her to school on time?

But it all stopped there. I never found out what she needed. I made the choice to trust her. She was treating me maturely, I could do the same to her. I never found out what she needed, it had something to do with the kitchen, since she thought that was the next place I was going. It doesn’t matter. She handled whatever she needed. At the same time I was given the opportunity to be okay with not being able to help. A natural giver, most moms are, I chose to let go. Not easy. Not natural. A beautiful lesson early on a Thursday morning.

The job title of mom involves doing for our children, but I think one of the best things we can do for them is to allow them to do for themselves. Yes, we die a little inside when they don’t need us. We anchor our self worth, our power and vitality to being there for them. This little death is life giving, for in our letting go we make room for others growth. Empowering them to lead the way. We provide space for our children to find their own wings and we give ourselves wings by not hanging on so tightly.

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Friday June 3rd  in West Seattle is sold out, mark Wednesday September 28th on your calendar! info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Clues to Empty

 

What evidence leads you to the fact you are holding an empty cup?

What evidence leads you to the fact you are holding an empty cup?

How do you know you are running on empty and could use a little more fuel in your tank?

We all hold an empty cup in our own unique manner. No two empty cups look alike. When I am empty I am definitely not in the present moment, cussing like a sailor, yelling, defensive, reacting and not at all my best self. This can happen when I am tired, have been giving more than receiving and putting my needs at the bottom of the list.

Some of the clues I now recognize like an old friend I don’t necessarily invite for a visit: I say,” Yes”, when I want to say “No”, I am frustrated, I am judgmental, I yell, I day dream about the past or future, I clean the house. When one or all of these things show up it is like I am wearing Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter A on my chest. No, not for adulteress. A for Avoider. I avoid with a capital A when I am empty. The result emptying myself even more. The worst kind of cheating. Cheating myself.

The trick is to notice before the signs appear. I do this by tuning in and listening to my thoughts in my brain and the words on my tongue. But if humanness sneaks up on me and I am doing what I don’t want to do and acting in a way that doesn’t make me proud, I stop. I notice. I make a change.

Start with your clues. How do you know you are approaching empty? Is it in your tone, your words, your actions or some other evident way of being? Rather than keep on going down the empty road are you willing to stop? Stop and learn from your actions? Begin again with a refill. Whether that refill is a deep breath or giving yourself a “time-out” to engage in something that nurtures and feeds you. This can be short, not necessarily time intensive. Just step away whether in mind or body and do for you. Be present to your needs.

Knowing when you are headed toward empty is the place to start. Be aware. Pay attention. Notice the times you aren’t your best self and love yourself anyway. Love the snarky not best you and then go fill your tank. One refill at a time.

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Friday June 3rd  in West Seattle is sold out, mark Wednesday September 28th on your calendar! info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.

Friday’s Free Refill: Top of the List

What is at the top of your "To Do" List today?

What is at the top of your “To Do” List today?

I am a list maker. This helps me get shit done. Keeps me accountable. And, let’s be honest, to remind me of the things I can easily forget. I am proud to say, I am old school. I actually write my “to do” list with a pen on a calendar that is as big as a book. In addition I have a small white board I keep on my fridge in plain-as-day sight.  This board gets wiped clean every day so that all I see is what needs to happen. One. Day. At. A. Time.

 

The daily list includes appointments, meetings, kids’ sport activities, what I am making for dinner, deadlines I must meet. I am honest with myself. This isn’t an imaginary list as if I had all the time, money, energy and magical powers in the world. One day at a tme, keeps it real and keeps me present.

 

My favorite part of the list is the part where I write out “how” I want to “be”. Yesterday’s list, right at the very top, contained the first bullet point “love”. When I looked at the list and all throughout the day when I thought of what needed to “get done”, I reminded myself that “love” was the top priority. That translated into loving myself through the thoughts I allowed to take up space in my brain, the foods I prepared for myself to eat, the activities and words I embraced. It also included the way I interacted with my family, friends, clients, strangers. Love. Simply love through word and deed. Whether a kind gesture or genuine smile.

 

At day end, I made every appointment, my kids got to where they needed to be and I showed up to myself and the Universe with a simple intention to love. The word was inspired by the previous day’s events of being hard on myself, negative and harboring feelings of hopelessness. Love turned that around. Today’s list has a different bullet point at the very top right before bullet point #2, “Post Blog”. #1, is “Be Present.” Sure this is something I aim to practice every day, but it is the thing I wanted to ground myself in today.

 

I have six other things on the list with it now being barely noon, I may or may not get to, but I have already attended to the thing at the top of the list. Walking home from our daily morning walk my dog and I were invited to tea nearing the end of our walk. I couldn’t help but notice the lavendar house and lovely garden. I saw a woman on the deck and hollered up to her, remarking on her beautiful place.

 

Turns out we know each other. I know her by first name and as the sweet woman who walks her dog, Oliver.  We have been walking by each other for years on our dog strolls. I never knew where she lived.

 

“Come up for tea.” I didn’t hesitate.

 

She asked me to pick my cup as she had just made a pot of tea. I chose the red one. Sitting on her deck, basking in the moring sun, connecting on many levels, she told me I was the first person who accepted her offer to tea as they walked up the very steep hill past her home. She had lived there nearly five years.

 

“No one has time”, she told me.

 

I had time. I made the time. Sure I had a full list at home on my fridge, but here in the sunshine I was checking off the item at the top, #Be Present. More important than washing my daughter’s  softball socks or getting to Costco. Smelly socks won’t kill her and we can always have toast. No one died from eating toast for dinner, either. But being present is filling my cup to overflowing this Friday. When the kids come home to dirty socks and an empty fridge they won’t even notice. They will notice the happy mama greeting them at the door. Being present is the key that unlocks the door to happiness. The secret weapon to holding a full cup.

 

Look at that I nearly have item #2 Post Blog checked off, too. What is important at the end of the day is not what you were able to check off the list, rather that you stayed in line with your main focus of the day. One. Day. At. A. Time. And when your main focus is being present, everything can else takes a detour when a stanger calls you to tea. (P.S. I am redoing my list but keeping #1 and #2 checked off. Less is More.) Cheers!

 

Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men and women in person in Seattle and by phone. Next Sack Lunch Mini-Retreat is Friday June 3rd  in West Seattle. I’d be delighted to hear from you, one spot available as of today! Is it for you?? info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463.