Mama Needs a Refill

Playing online chess has taught me a couple of good life lessons and one of my recent discoveries it has taught me is to sleep on it.

I have been playing online chess with my brother-in-law for almost three years now. I sneak in a move between picking up kids, making dinner, when the kids are sleeping.  You have three days to make your move.  By nature I don’t think about my next step, I move from the gut, I do ten things at once.  So I am playing chess not only because I like it and find it entertaining, I want to learn the art of pausing, thinking through the steps.

My brother-in-law was periodically sending my messages in our chess game to, Take your time. Stop making moves when you are doing something else.  Wait until the kids are not sitting next to you.

Last month we were in a longer than usual match, I had let him take my queen when I rushed to make my move, so every move after that I was paying more attention. Taking my time. Working on thinking before moving, considering my options, trying to think three moves ahead instead of just one.  Everyone in the house was asleep I had quiet time to weigh my options. I still had more than twenty four hours to make my move, unlike the three minutes in an official chess match. Often less.  I played out my possible moves, I considered what he would do, then instead of making my move. I shut down the computer and went to bed.  I was tired. It was getting late.  My body was heavy and sleepy.

In the morning, fully rested I opened up the waiting chess game. I weighed my options, but then I saw a new option.  An opportunity I didn’t see the night before.  I could put my brother-in-law in check mate and win the game! Didn’t see that move earlier.  After a night of rest, after listening to my body, taking my brother-in-law’s wise advice, (advice he later would regret, perhaps) I was able to win the game.

What opportunities do you miss because you are tired?  What options are you missing because what you really need is more sleep?  Everything will be there in the morning, the dishes, the laundry, the book to read, the lesson to learn…sometimes though we miss it all, the golden opportunities, the chance to let go, if we fight against resting our head on the pillow.

Is there enough sleep in your cup today?

As I transition into life as a stay at home mom with all the kids now in school I continue on my journey of striving to live a balanced life.

Flat on my back in yoga class the other morning it came to me as the instructor encouraged us to “let go and let the ground support you.”

Yep, I didn’t have to do anything in that moment but lay there and watch my breath.  When plans, worries, agendas, concerns, thoughts crept into my space I let them go, with a breath. I watched them float away down my imaginary river, with another breath.  When they surfaced yet again, I breathed again and switched my focus to watching my breath.  Not controlling my breath but watching it. By letting go I am that much closer to living a balance life.

How great it would be if I did this continually.  Like a stream, flowing in one direction. Just watching my breath and letting the earth support me.  Letting go of the stuff that weighs me down.

As I call upon my own life experience and wisdom from others, I am aware of how supported I am.  I have the tools in my back pocket to lead a balanced life.  We all do. It just takes letting go of the stuff that gets in the way, right?

Today in order to make it to a noon yoga class I had to give up some things on my to-do-list. Baking homemade cookies was one of those things. I was going to Book Club in the evening and offered to bring dessert. I was tempted but in the end I wasn’t willing to give up my yoga time. So by letting go of baking something homemade for my friends I was putting myself first and honoring my desire to connect with my body, mind and spirit and fill my cup physically, spiritually and mentally by attending yoga.

As I left for my class, I noticed the muddy kitchen floor. Our dog had tracked in mud from the back yard. I hesitated. Only momentarily. To think I almost gave up getting to yoga to mop the floor.  By letting go of having a perfectly clean floor for my family to enjoy when they got home, I figured they would get more out of having a happy wife and mother.

So to put myself first, to honor who I am takes letting go of expectations.  Expectations only I put on myself. At Book Club tonight, my friends were perfectly pleased with Metropolitan Market Brownies.  My family didn’t even notice the paw prints on the kitchen floor.  But I am sure they noticed I didn’t yell, and I wore a smile on my face. Pretty sure that didn’t go unnoticed.

What can you let go of today that will help make room for you?  What expectation can you drop so that you won’t stress yourself out?  What little thing are you making into a big thing and by letting it go you would be all the better?

On Sunday morning, Mother’s Day, I woke to smiling faces standing at the foot of my bed and sore muscles.

The previous day, I attended an all day yoga retreat, Motherasana, at The Bainbridge Yoga House (www.bainbridgeyogahouse.com).  My idea of a perfect Mother’s Day treat, in more ways than one.  And that is how my cup was nurtured, loved and filled to over flowing, in more ways than one.

Mentally, I connected on the ferry ride over with a friend of 17 years, we caught up, shared, listened.  I met interesting lovely women, engaged in inspiring conversations. 

Spiritually, I laughed and played like a child, doing handstands.  Letting the tears wash over me when I listened to a woman’s story of recently losing her mother.

Physically, who can do two sessions of yoga in one day and not feel good?  I pushed my body, contorting it into poses I have never heard of before.  Who knew I could be a pigeon, a bird of paradise, a cobra and a child all in one afternoon?  Oh, the power of letting go.

Let’s not forget the chocolate, vegetarian mouth watering lunch (www.danatreat.com), fresh strawberries the size of a blooming rose, asparagus that kept me going back for more – good food, that must fall under all categories: mental, spiritual and physical. I’m certain.

At the retreat I did many downward dog poses, something missing in my Bikram yoga practice, so my sore shoulders lasted through Sunday and reminded me again on Monday.  A good reminder.  A reminder of how good it feels to take care of myself, what a blessing it is to all who know me.  And like my yoga instructor said this morning, This is touching all those who know you. 

When we fill our cups, recognize our needs and stand up for getting them met we are definitely, touching all those around us. 

I was ready to play with my kids on Sunday because I had let myself dance to my own tune the day before.  As we all did handstands in the grass I was more aware of the joy in my heart than the sore ache in my muscles.  And everyone was aware that mommy had a full cup.

After a day of filling my cup at The Bainbridge Yoga House, I could breathe more playfully in the green grass.