Mama Needs a Refill

Does volunteering, reaching out where you are needed, help to fill your cup?

I volunteer in my son’s kindergarten classroom once a week.  The teacher usually has me work on a project. Last week I had to create a poster, using a bit of my imagination, but mostly following a given pattern.  I was able to see my son working and be in a happy environment, and complete the given task with little stress.

Walking home after my volunteer time, it was raining, but my step was light, my mood bright, smiling came easy. I noticed how good I felt.  What I did was simple and not only did I help out where help was needed, I enjoyed it.

Now I’m not totally sure if this “fills my cup”, but it doesn’t drain it.  Along with doing things that give me fuel it is necessary that my volunteering is life giving not life draining. It’s okay to receive benefits from giving to others. The chores and tasks we do for others doesn’t have to come with a heavy cross to bear across our shoulders, our step can be light and our mood bright, looking forward to the job.

It’s okay to say “no” if your heart isn’t in it and it’s okay to say “yes” because you get something out of it, too.

What heaviness can you remove from your cup to make room for something else? What do you notice when you pay attention to how you feel? When you share your valuable time, what is your step like heavy and burdensome or light and life giving? Just askin’.

Perhaps with the New Year upon us it is time to reinvent your cup. What gave you fuel last year may not do the trick this year. Maybe last year you were a runner and this year your body is crying out for Pilates and swimming or yoga and walking.  Perhaps last year you were all about a particular TV show that you no longer care about and are instead hungering for a good book. We grow, we change, we evolve…so make this month about listening to the quiet whisper deep inside of you that knows just what you need.

Sit down today for 3 minutes, yes just 3 minutes and ask yourself, What would fill my cup today?  Baking a new recipe or writing in your journal? Reading a trashy magazine or meditating? Listening to your needs is the first step of knowing how to refill your cup.

Keep a note pad handy throughout the day and jot down ideas that come to you. Perhaps this is the year you volunteer at that place around the corner or this may be just the time for you to start those music lessons.  Whatever the yearnings of your heart, start getting in the habit of paying attention to them instead of ignoring or dismissing them. You are worth too much to be dismissed. And remember what I always say…Empty cup = Bitchy mama.

Happy New Year and Cheers to the new ways you will refill your cup this year!

How will you refill your cup this year?

If you were to ask me how I feel about change my reply would quickly come to my lips, “Love it. Bring it.”

For me, not a creature of much habit, I often look for change.  Look to others and their agendas taking on their interests believing they are mine as well, rearrange the living room furniture.  Just as my empty coffee cup sits on this table, with my friend already gone from the café, back to her job, I sit contemplating my work, my life, letting my mind wander from the important to the perplexity before me, should I go get a refill?  If I did, I wouldn’t have to keep writing, I’d be making myself busy until it was time to pick up the children.

Stay at home mama with both kids now in school.  This is my year.  My year to really write, to focus on my writing dreams.  But not a lot of progress has been made.  So am I resisting change?  In my passive aggressive tendencies am I avoiding what I really want to do because I am scared shitless or because I really am a creature of habit who is in deep denial?

I must give myself space, wiggle room indeed, then take the plunge and really try on change.  Start living like I want to live.  Change the voice in my head.

What story are you telling yourself and how can you rewrite your ending?  What is holding you back from the changes you want to make?  Write them down, then take baby steps being gentle with yourself along the way. 

I will if you will.

I stared at this beautiful cup of coffee far too long, ignoring my notebook, pushing my pen aside and letting my coffee get far colder than I like.

Husband out of town this week, child home sick the past two days, I had to be creative before I ran on empty.  Unable to get to yoga, my usual refill, I had to ask for a hand.

Today was a spectacular fall day.  Today was the reason fall is my favorite season.  The Japanese Maple Trees across the street were on fire.  Sunshine filled the day with wonder and beauty. I needed to be inside with my sick daughter.  So I called my mother-in-law and asked for help, not something I do regularly, and not easy to do.

For twenty minutes she sat with my kids while I walked the dog in the glorious sunshine and found more trees ablaze in iridescence.  Getting outside on my own, breathing in the beauty and quiet I filled my cup quickly.  At home, I enjoyed making dinner and sharing the meal with my two children.  I wasn’t worn out and crabby because I took a small stab of time for me.  Asking for help, refilled my cup just as much as the twenty minute walk.

Who can you ask for help?  Who is there ready to help while you do something just for you but in reality you are helping many?

I have gym rat friends, triathlon buddies, know lots of runners, a few climbers, a handful of swimmers and a bunch of walkers and yoginis  — all women with their preference of exercise.  All women who know what works best for them.

In my twenties and thirties I was all about the runner’s high. I have participated in a number of half marathons and enjoyed every race over the years.  Running was where I would pray, unwind, de-stress and burn all that extra energy.  It was the only way I could get in shape, feel good after thirty minutes, totally disconnect from the rest of the world.

My body is done with running for now.  It aches to find a different high, the one I get in hot yoga. It no longer de-stresses with pounding the pavement nor does it relax when I put on running shoes.

I long to be barefoot, focusing on my breath, getting stronger in a different way than in days past.

Doing what your body wants is the only way to physically fill your own cup.  Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it is right for you.  If you tense up at the sound of yoga, then don’t do it.  If running causes you a side ache before you leave your house, try something else.

What exercise have you wanted to try?  What thing makes you sweat in such a good way you can’t wait until your next work out?  Or perhaps you prefer the non-sweating type of exercise?

Exercise shouldn’t be something you feel like you “should” do, then it won’t refuel you in the way you need. A workout shouldn’t be painful to the point of hating it. Discover what you love and watch your cup be filled up over and over with exercise that brings you joy, not more stress.

Try something different. Dance. Walk. Sprint. Float. Whatever it is, Just Do It.

Have you shared your dreams with a friend?  Have you told your spouse about your crazy idea?  Or do you choose to keep your dreams locked away, safe from judgment?  Take a risk today, tell one person your dream then envision it coming true.  It is a risk to voice your fantasies, your beautiful dreams, your wild ideas but if you keep them secret they will only collect dust.

Giving them air time puts them out there, into the world, one step closer to being made reality.  A chance to see light and breathe in possibility instead of suffocating tucked away inside your brain.

Figuring out that you are not just a mother, a parent raising children, you are a woman, a poet, a dancer, a listener, a runner, an organizer with a vision – whatever it is – will unlock the key to your soul.  You will peel back a layer, making it more difficult to be stuck, paralyzed by fear.

Start with one action.  Do something today that moves you closer to your dreams.  Enroll in a class, take a walk, send that email – step out of your comfort zone and see the magic happen.

Taken this moring, with my "Thursday Friend" during our writing time. She offered me her favorite cup for me tea. How could I refuse?

As I rushed from coffee date, to grocery store, to stuffing lunch in my face, to throwing ball for dog to volunteer time on Picture Day today at my kids’ school, I was given a free refill.  We don’t need you, I have plenty of volunteers. Sorry to do this, I know you planned on helping.

The mom was reluctant to tell me she didn’t need my help not realizing she had given me a gift not hurt my feelings. Not even close. So I wasn’t needed at the school today, I will be there volunteering Thursday and again Friday, so today Tuesday, I can go back home and fill my own cup.

I have spent the last hour writing.  The dishes are in the sink so when I go upstairs to do them I will have a song on my heart and lightness to my step because I stopped and put myself first. I gave myself a hall pass and found where I was really needed today. On the blank page.

Playing online chess has taught me a couple of good life lessons and one of my recent discoveries it has taught me is to sleep on it.

I have been playing online chess with my brother-in-law for almost three years now. I sneak in a move between picking up kids, making dinner, when the kids are sleeping.  You have three days to make your move.  By nature I don’t think about my next step, I move from the gut, I do ten things at once.  So I am playing chess not only because I like it and find it entertaining, I want to learn the art of pausing, thinking through the steps.

My brother-in-law was periodically sending my messages in our chess game to, Take your time. Stop making moves when you are doing something else.  Wait until the kids are not sitting next to you.

Last month we were in a longer than usual match, I had let him take my queen when I rushed to make my move, so every move after that I was paying more attention. Taking my time. Working on thinking before moving, considering my options, trying to think three moves ahead instead of just one.  Everyone in the house was asleep I had quiet time to weigh my options. I still had more than twenty four hours to make my move, unlike the three minutes in an official chess match. Often less.  I played out my possible moves, I considered what he would do, then instead of making my move. I shut down the computer and went to bed.  I was tired. It was getting late.  My body was heavy and sleepy.

In the morning, fully rested I opened up the waiting chess game. I weighed my options, but then I saw a new option.  An opportunity I didn’t see the night before.  I could put my brother-in-law in check mate and win the game! Didn’t see that move earlier.  After a night of rest, after listening to my body, taking my brother-in-law’s wise advice, (advice he later would regret, perhaps) I was able to win the game.

What opportunities do you miss because you are tired?  What options are you missing because what you really need is more sleep?  Everything will be there in the morning, the dishes, the laundry, the book to read, the lesson to learn…sometimes though we miss it all, the golden opportunities, the chance to let go, if we fight against resting our head on the pillow.

Is there enough sleep in your cup today?

Today I held a retreat for a group of nine women who support one another on their journeys, offering encouragement and love along the way. They are mothers, sisters and friends to each other.  Their bond is strong, their friendship real, their love quite deep.

Sharing each other’s stories, being heard sometimes is uncomfortable and scary.  These women showed up with an array of emotions: some excited, some full of fear and doubt, others open for what the day had to offer.  Whatever their feelings they listened to their circle, heard their sisters and without saying anything supported each other.

To really listen to someone, we don’t have to offer advice, fix their sadness, cure their frustration.  Nope not at all.  Just standing in someone’s presence and letting their words sink into our bones, we are giving a priceless gift.

I am so grateful for today’s experience. I was asked to join in on a live radio conversation about mom’s creating their own businesses. I was given the opportunity to share about Mama Needs A Refill and the retreats I offer.

Care to listen to the podcast? Go to: http://www.1150kknw.com/podcast/media/imthankful.xml

Then click on the podcast titled, Leta Hamilton 9/20/2010.

All women empty their cup by giving and caring for others.  All women deserve to put themselves first.