Seven years ago I decided that Mother’s Day was about me, not my mom, or my mother-in-law. Before you freak out on me and think I am an ingrate, allow me to tell you more.
The “holiday” was stressing me out. Go here for breakfast, do this for lunch, go there for dinner, all to honor and fit in everyone. My hubby felt like he had to honor all three of the moms in his life, me (the mother of his children), his own mother and his mother-in-law. Well, nothing stresses him out more than cramming everything into one day. Nothing stresses me out more than being with stressed out people. I was receiving “stuff” he “thought” I wanted, which left me feeling unnoticed. Don’t they know what I want? I was cranky, feeling bitter and underappreciated.
That was the year I changed it up. I asked for what I needed from my family and I offered what I could to the two moms in my life. I honored my mom and mother-in-law with quality time, phone calls, flowers, words of affirmation the days precedding the Hallmark Holiday. The day before I attended a yoga retreat. An entire day of focusing on me and not taking care of others. Heaven. Then on the actual day I asked for my favorite meal and a trip to the beach. Terryaki and saltwater, simple. I was grateful for being heard and I felt like a queen.
Around that time I was also hearing from clients, friends and other moms that they were dreading the actual “day” because they weren’t doing what they wanted. Story after story of being happy when Mother’s Day was actually over.
Stress comes from adhering to shoulds. Overwhelm comes from doing what you don’t want to do.
I invite you to ask yourself what you can give this year then take a big breath and ask what you would like to receive. And if you even feel “guilty” about wanting to be alone, wanting to do nothing, wanting something not up to the typical Mother’s Day protocol, I will hunt you down and give you a BIG, FAT PERMISSION SLIP.
Ask for what you need. Offer what you can. It’s one day, but it can be a day of joy rather than a day of obligation and should. I invite you to choose joy.
Hello! I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Coach for your Life and Spirit. I have been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2009. One of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my weekly blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching for men, women, teenagers, and couples, in person in Seattle and by phone.