Mama Needs a Refill

Silence is indeed golden, especially in a room with ten teenage girls.

My friend, a high school girl’s basketball coach, asked me to hold a circle for her team.  They are past mid-season, running out of steam, grumpy around the edges, emotions high, sassy with each other, needing some centering.

Yesterday, we met for two hours in a circle, drawing on the elements their coaches have tried to instill, introducing something foreign to teenage girls – silence.

“What?” One sophomore starred back at me, “We have to be silent for 30 minutes? There’s no way I can do this.”

After instructions to either journal about one of my prepared questions or paint a cup and telling each other, “I believe in you,” as part of a ritual, they set forth into uncharted waters.

The skeptical sophomore, did whisper a question to her coach, and did make a small comment or two to a team mate, but for the most part she was silent for 30 minutes and as she put it, “that was the longest 30 minutes of my entire life.”  Despite her doubts she shared the highlight of the afternoon for her, the team-clown, stand-up comic, was, even to her shock and amazement, “being quiet.”  “It did give me time to reflect and think about things.”

Being quiet alone is far different from being quiet in a group.  I told them, if you can be silent together — think of what you can do together on the court.

If teenage girls can regain strength, find a bit of peace, come together again by a bit of silence what can it do for you parents?

Have you filled your cup today with a bit of silence?

Does volunteering, reaching out where you are needed, help to fill your cup?

I volunteer in my son’s kindergarten classroom once a week.  The teacher usually has me work on a project. Last week I had to create a poster, using a bit of my imagination, but mostly following a given pattern.  I was able to see my son working and be in a happy environment, and complete the given task with little stress.

Walking home after my volunteer time, it was raining, but my step was light, my mood bright, smiling came easy. I noticed how good I felt.  What I did was simple and not only did I help out where help was needed, I enjoyed it.

Now I’m not totally sure if this “fills my cup”, but it doesn’t drain it.  Along with doing things that give me fuel it is necessary that my volunteering is life giving not life draining. It’s okay to receive benefits from giving to others. The chores and tasks we do for others doesn’t have to come with a heavy cross to bear across our shoulders, our step can be light and our mood bright, looking forward to the job.

It’s okay to say “no” if your heart isn’t in it and it’s okay to say “yes” because you get something out of it, too.

What heaviness can you remove from your cup to make room for something else? What do you notice when you pay attention to how you feel? When you share your valuable time, what is your step like heavy and burdensome or light and life giving? Just askin’.

Perhaps with the New Year upon us it is time to reinvent your cup. What gave you fuel last year may not do the trick this year. Maybe last year you were a runner and this year your body is crying out for Pilates and swimming or yoga and walking.  Perhaps last year you were all about a particular TV show that you no longer care about and are instead hungering for a good book. We grow, we change, we evolve…so make this month about listening to the quiet whisper deep inside of you that knows just what you need.

Sit down today for 3 minutes, yes just 3 minutes and ask yourself, What would fill my cup today?  Baking a new recipe or writing in your journal? Reading a trashy magazine or meditating? Listening to your needs is the first step of knowing how to refill your cup.

Keep a note pad handy throughout the day and jot down ideas that come to you. Perhaps this is the year you volunteer at that place around the corner or this may be just the time for you to start those music lessons.  Whatever the yearnings of your heart, start getting in the habit of paying attention to them instead of ignoring or dismissing them. You are worth too much to be dismissed. And remember what I always say…Empty cup = Bitchy mama.

Happy New Year and Cheers to the new ways you will refill your cup this year!

How will you refill your cup this year?