Mama Needs a Refill

If you were to ask me how I feel about change my reply would quickly come to my lips, “Love it. Bring it.”

For me, not a creature of much habit, I often look for change.  Look to others and their agendas taking on their interests believing they are mine as well, rearrange the living room furniture.  Just as my empty coffee cup sits on this table, with my friend already gone from the café, back to her job, I sit contemplating my work, my life, letting my mind wander from the important to the perplexity before me, should I go get a refill?  If I did, I wouldn’t have to keep writing, I’d be making myself busy until it was time to pick up the children.

Stay at home mama with both kids now in school.  This is my year.  My year to really write, to focus on my writing dreams.  But not a lot of progress has been made.  So am I resisting change?  In my passive aggressive tendencies am I avoiding what I really want to do because I am scared shitless or because I really am a creature of habit who is in deep denial?

I must give myself space, wiggle room indeed, then take the plunge and really try on change.  Start living like I want to live.  Change the voice in my head.

What story are you telling yourself and how can you rewrite your ending?  What is holding you back from the changes you want to make?  Write them down, then take baby steps being gentle with yourself along the way. 

I will if you will.

I stared at this beautiful cup of coffee far too long, ignoring my notebook, pushing my pen aside and letting my coffee get far colder than I like.

Husband out of town this week, child home sick the past two days, I had to be creative before I ran on empty.  Unable to get to yoga, my usual refill, I had to ask for a hand.

Today was a spectacular fall day.  Today was the reason fall is my favorite season.  The Japanese Maple Trees across the street were on fire.  Sunshine filled the day with wonder and beauty. I needed to be inside with my sick daughter.  So I called my mother-in-law and asked for help, not something I do regularly, and not easy to do.

For twenty minutes she sat with my kids while I walked the dog in the glorious sunshine and found more trees ablaze in iridescence.  Getting outside on my own, breathing in the beauty and quiet I filled my cup quickly.  At home, I enjoyed making dinner and sharing the meal with my two children.  I wasn’t worn out and crabby because I took a small stab of time for me.  Asking for help, refilled my cup just as much as the twenty minute walk.

Who can you ask for help?  Who is there ready to help while you do something just for you but in reality you are helping many?