Mama Needs a Refill

So this summer whenever I got a free second away from my children, I played my addiction.  Online chess. I don’t play for money, I don’t play against strangers just friends and relatives.  It’s a chance to use my brain, maybe win at something, stretch my thinking, strategize, think a few moves ahead of the game.  However, I learned to my chagrin, as much as I love it, it doesn’t fill my cup.  Yes, it gives me a break and I love the little indulgence it provides and I will keep playing, but it doesn’t feed my soul.

I wanted to try something else.  Kids home all summer, mid-August I was a bit spent.  I didn’t practice yoga for six weeks, I put the kids first, so guess what?  I came last.  And sister that ain’t right.  If my kids are going to have a healthy mama, she needs to be put in first place, Queen of the castle.

I have longed for meditation to be a regular thing in my life, so these last two weeks on the road travelling with the family I was Queen of my castle and I tried something new, meditating daily.  I found a tree to sit under, a log to sit on, a patch of shade and drew on what was inside of me to feed my soul.

And now with one child stressed out from starting kindergarten in a few days, I am grounded enough to be there for him.  Now with both kids at each other’s throats, ready for school to get underway, sick of hanging out with each other, ready for new faces, I am calm enough to not lose it.  I am back at yoga, doing this meditation thing more regularly, really refueling so I can be a better mom, a better Queen of my castle.

What is something new you have wanted to try?  Where is your tree or patch of shade?  What will you try next?  Sure online chess, email, FaceBook, a trashy magazine, a good book, a TV show, all great escapes from parenting, 100%.  But what is something dwelling inside of you that you can draw on for a refill?  You don’t have to look outside of yourself, the answer might just be you.  Sitting with yourself, breathing your own breath and watching what happens.

My daughter snapped my photo as I meditated with my cup of coffee visiting relatives on their farm this summer.