Mama Needs a Refill

Playing online chess has taught me a couple of good life lessons and one of my recent discoveries it has taught me is to sleep on it.

I have been playing online chess with my brother-in-law for almost three years now. I sneak in a move between picking up kids, making dinner, when the kids are sleeping.  You have three days to make your move.  By nature I don’t think about my next step, I move from the gut, I do ten things at once.  So I am playing chess not only because I like it and find it entertaining, I want to learn the art of pausing, thinking through the steps.

My brother-in-law was periodically sending my messages in our chess game to, Take your time. Stop making moves when you are doing something else.  Wait until the kids are not sitting next to you.

Last month we were in a longer than usual match, I had let him take my queen when I rushed to make my move, so every move after that I was paying more attention. Taking my time. Working on thinking before moving, considering my options, trying to think three moves ahead instead of just one.  Everyone in the house was asleep I had quiet time to weigh my options. I still had more than twenty four hours to make my move, unlike the three minutes in an official chess match. Often less.  I played out my possible moves, I considered what he would do, then instead of making my move. I shut down the computer and went to bed.  I was tired. It was getting late.  My body was heavy and sleepy.

In the morning, fully rested I opened up the waiting chess game. I weighed my options, but then I saw a new option.  An opportunity I didn’t see the night before.  I could put my brother-in-law in check mate and win the game! Didn’t see that move earlier.  After a night of rest, after listening to my body, taking my brother-in-law’s wise advice, (advice he later would regret, perhaps) I was able to win the game.

What opportunities do you miss because you are tired?  What options are you missing because what you really need is more sleep?  Everything will be there in the morning, the dishes, the laundry, the book to read, the lesson to learn…sometimes though we miss it all, the golden opportunities, the chance to let go, if we fight against resting our head on the pillow.

Is there enough sleep in your cup today?

Today I held a retreat for a group of nine women who support one another on their journeys, offering encouragement and love along the way. They are mothers, sisters and friends to each other.  Their bond is strong, their friendship real, their love quite deep.

Sharing each other’s stories, being heard sometimes is uncomfortable and scary.  These women showed up with an array of emotions: some excited, some full of fear and doubt, others open for what the day had to offer.  Whatever their feelings they listened to their circle, heard their sisters and without saying anything supported each other.

To really listen to someone, we don’t have to offer advice, fix their sadness, cure their frustration.  Nope not at all.  Just standing in someone’s presence and letting their words sink into our bones, we are giving a priceless gift.

I am so grateful for today’s experience. I was asked to join in on a live radio conversation about mom’s creating their own businesses. I was given the opportunity to share about Mama Needs A Refill and the retreats I offer.

Care to listen to the podcast? Go to: http://www.1150kknw.com/podcast/media/imthankful.xml

Then click on the podcast titled, Leta Hamilton 9/20/2010.

All women empty their cup by giving and caring for others.  All women deserve to put themselves first.

As I transition into life as a stay at home mom with all the kids now in school I continue on my journey of striving to live a balanced life.

Flat on my back in yoga class the other morning it came to me as the instructor encouraged us to “let go and let the ground support you.”

Yep, I didn’t have to do anything in that moment but lay there and watch my breath.  When plans, worries, agendas, concerns, thoughts crept into my space I let them go, with a breath. I watched them float away down my imaginary river, with another breath.  When they surfaced yet again, I breathed again and switched my focus to watching my breath.  Not controlling my breath but watching it. By letting go I am that much closer to living a balance life.

How great it would be if I did this continually.  Like a stream, flowing in one direction. Just watching my breath and letting the earth support me.  Letting go of the stuff that weighs me down.

As I call upon my own life experience and wisdom from others, I am aware of how supported I am.  I have the tools in my back pocket to lead a balanced life.  We all do. It just takes letting go of the stuff that gets in the way, right?

Today in order to make it to a noon yoga class I had to give up some things on my to-do-list. Baking homemade cookies was one of those things. I was going to Book Club in the evening and offered to bring dessert. I was tempted but in the end I wasn’t willing to give up my yoga time. So by letting go of baking something homemade for my friends I was putting myself first and honoring my desire to connect with my body, mind and spirit and fill my cup physically, spiritually and mentally by attending yoga.

As I left for my class, I noticed the muddy kitchen floor. Our dog had tracked in mud from the back yard. I hesitated. Only momentarily. To think I almost gave up getting to yoga to mop the floor.  By letting go of having a perfectly clean floor for my family to enjoy when they got home, I figured they would get more out of having a happy wife and mother.

So to put myself first, to honor who I am takes letting go of expectations.  Expectations only I put on myself. At Book Club tonight, my friends were perfectly pleased with Metropolitan Market Brownies.  My family didn’t even notice the paw prints on the kitchen floor.  But I am sure they noticed I didn’t yell, and I wore a smile on my face. Pretty sure that didn’t go unnoticed.

What can you let go of today that will help make room for you?  What expectation can you drop so that you won’t stress yourself out?  What little thing are you making into a big thing and by letting it go you would be all the better?

So this summer whenever I got a free second away from my children, I played my addiction.  Online chess. I don’t play for money, I don’t play against strangers just friends and relatives.  It’s a chance to use my brain, maybe win at something, stretch my thinking, strategize, think a few moves ahead of the game.  However, I learned to my chagrin, as much as I love it, it doesn’t fill my cup.  Yes, it gives me a break and I love the little indulgence it provides and I will keep playing, but it doesn’t feed my soul.

I wanted to try something else.  Kids home all summer, mid-August I was a bit spent.  I didn’t practice yoga for six weeks, I put the kids first, so guess what?  I came last.  And sister that ain’t right.  If my kids are going to have a healthy mama, she needs to be put in first place, Queen of the castle.

I have longed for meditation to be a regular thing in my life, so these last two weeks on the road travelling with the family I was Queen of my castle and I tried something new, meditating daily.  I found a tree to sit under, a log to sit on, a patch of shade and drew on what was inside of me to feed my soul.

And now with one child stressed out from starting kindergarten in a few days, I am grounded enough to be there for him.  Now with both kids at each other’s throats, ready for school to get underway, sick of hanging out with each other, ready for new faces, I am calm enough to not lose it.  I am back at yoga, doing this meditation thing more regularly, really refueling so I can be a better mom, a better Queen of my castle.

What is something new you have wanted to try?  Where is your tree or patch of shade?  What will you try next?  Sure online chess, email, FaceBook, a trashy magazine, a good book, a TV show, all great escapes from parenting, 100%.  But what is something dwelling inside of you that you can draw on for a refill?  You don’t have to look outside of yourself, the answer might just be you.  Sitting with yourself, breathing your own breath and watching what happens.

My daughter snapped my photo as I meditated with my cup of coffee visiting relatives on their farm this summer.