Mama Needs a Refill

Last month I celebrated losing 24 lbs. by buying myself a bouquet of my favorite flowers. Tulips. A big bouquet, orange and white.  When the tulips died a week later, I bought another bouquet, just because.

It felt good to be buying myself a present but of course at first there was hesitation, guilt. I buy my kids a pack of gum, new coloring pens, a packet of hair clips, just because and they are over the moon and I have no guilt.

I am working on getting to that place of love for myself.  That after all is why I have been working on losing weight, getting healthy, being aware of what I put in my mouth and why.

The tulips filled me with joy those weeks they sat on our piano, offering color and hope.  Joy from a simple bouquet of flowers? Yes.  Perhaps they were a reminder that I have been getting healthy and putting myself first, perhaps it was just the simplicity of their beauty that struck happiness in my heart.

I have been looking for new coffee mugs but haven’t wanted to spend too much money on them. So the other day at Peet’s Coffee and Tea shop I found them, the big, brightly colored mugs I have been looking for, on sale.  Before making an impulse purchase I sat in the shop sipping my cup of hot steaming goodness.  I wrote in my journal, simply sat and looked around, enjoyed the quiet and really tasted my coffee instead of guzzling it down.  When it was time to go, I saw the mugs again and without guilt or hesitation I bought four.  Then at the cash register I saw a package of two chocolate covered caramels, I bought that too.

Filled with gratitude for the alone time I spent in the coffee shop and happy with my new purchase I drove to pick up my daughter from school.  My daughter loves chocolate just as much as I love flowers so when I pulled the chocolate out of my purse her eyes danced, she licked her lips.  Together we shared the sweetness of the chocolate covered caramel and the flavor of the big grains of salt sprinkled on top.

The flowers, mugs, and chocolate didn’t bring me joy, but what they represent certainly did.  I acknowledged my worthiness by buying myself little gifts.  The flowers and chocolate of course are gone.  I will sip many cups of tea and share many good conversations with friends and family as we drink something hot and soothing from these mugs.  It won’t be the mugs that bring joy it will be the honoring of myself that does.  Aware that I am worthy of sitting down, sipping, enjoying, being.  Showing my children that I need nurturing too is a lasting gift I can give them.

Yesterday I had 40 minutes between dropping one kid off at school and volunteering at the other kid’s school.  40 minutes, I could catch up on email, throw in laundry, sweep, mop, dust, get the house clean for the weekend. One issue though, I was really hungry. It was lunch time.

So I let the chores wait and I prepared myself a lunch. A healthy lunch.  I took time chopping my lettuce, cooking my fish.  I know so radical, all by myself on a Friday afternoon with so much to get done and there I was not only preparing  myself a healthy lunch but I sat down, on a chair, crazy I know, and ate it.

We as stay-at-home parents think it is takes too much time, time we don’t have, to prepare ourselves a healthy lunch and then actually enjoy it, instead of eating it on the run.  By preparing myself a satisfying, healthy meal I was avoiding being hungry when I picked up the kids, then stuffing in something quicker and less healthy.  Forget about the snappy, bitchy remarks that would sneak out of me because of low blood sugar.

We pack our kids’ lunch boxes, make our husbands’ coffee, all with love then we give ourselves the shaft and shove in something quick and tasteless or full of sugar. 

When was the last time you sat down to a meal, by yourself and enjoyed it?  I dare you to try it.

Something healthy in the cup.

On Sunday morning, Mother’s Day, I woke to smiling faces standing at the foot of my bed and sore muscles.

The previous day, I attended an all day yoga retreat, Motherasana, at The Bainbridge Yoga House (www.bainbridgeyogahouse.com).  My idea of a perfect Mother’s Day treat, in more ways than one.  And that is how my cup was nurtured, loved and filled to over flowing, in more ways than one.

Mentally, I connected on the ferry ride over with a friend of 17 years, we caught up, shared, listened.  I met interesting lovely women, engaged in inspiring conversations. 

Spiritually, I laughed and played like a child, doing handstands.  Letting the tears wash over me when I listened to a woman’s story of recently losing her mother.

Physically, who can do two sessions of yoga in one day and not feel good?  I pushed my body, contorting it into poses I have never heard of before.  Who knew I could be a pigeon, a bird of paradise, a cobra and a child all in one afternoon?  Oh, the power of letting go.

Let’s not forget the chocolate, vegetarian mouth watering lunch (www.danatreat.com), fresh strawberries the size of a blooming rose, asparagus that kept me going back for more – good food, that must fall under all categories: mental, spiritual and physical. I’m certain.

At the retreat I did many downward dog poses, something missing in my Bikram yoga practice, so my sore shoulders lasted through Sunday and reminded me again on Monday.  A good reminder.  A reminder of how good it feels to take care of myself, what a blessing it is to all who know me.  And like my yoga instructor said this morning, This is touching all those who know you. 

When we fill our cups, recognize our needs and stand up for getting them met we are definitely, touching all those around us. 

I was ready to play with my kids on Sunday because I had let myself dance to my own tune the day before.  As we all did handstands in the grass I was more aware of the joy in my heart than the sore ache in my muscles.  And everyone was aware that mommy had a full cup.

After a day of filling my cup at The Bainbridge Yoga House, I could breathe more playfully in the green grass.