Mama Needs a Refill

I am definitely an extravert. I get my energy connecting with others.  Nothing fills my cup more than engaging with a friend, finding common ground, sharing with each other about things that matter.  I can do without the small talk.  I mean sitting down for tea or a meal with a friend and engaging in a heart to heart. That inspires me and lifts me, gives my day a bonus gift.  The sharing and connection doesn’t have to be long or highly intense, even brief sharing can fill me up and prepare me to give back to my family and to the world. 

The time I spend with a friend or family member isn’t about the cup of tea or the glass of wine.  It is about the connection we have shared, the experience of being together and being there for one another.

Is your cup spiritually or mentally given a refill when you connect with someone in your life?  How often do we put off calling a friend, answering an email, sitting to chat for an extra ten minutes?  Do we think are children will stop breathing, the dirty dishes will fill up the house?  Connecting with someone isn’t a guilty pleasure, for some it can be a necessity.  Your children will see how more engaged you are with them when you have had time for yourself and a friend and trust me, the dishes will still be there to wash.

Who have you been wanting to reach out to, but simply haven’t had the time?  Sometimes making the time for that connection takes care of all the little things you were worried about.

I have a stack of books on my night stand and on the floor in front of my night stand I have a basket of books.  I am known to read more than one book at a time. One on something to feed my spiritual side, one to tap into my creativity, to inspire and one to entertain, usually a good novel.  Right now my novel is The Help, by Kathryn Stocket.  The story carries me out of my own world and feeds my curiosity, wonder, watering me mentally and in some ways spiritually as well.

Reading words that someone has carefully created on the page awakens my soul and definitely fills my cup.

I don’t make it a priority though.  I often save reading until the end of the day, when the house is quiet and it is time to crawl in bed.  I end up reading less than five pages, even though I’m riveted, the heaviness of my eyelids too much to fight off.

A couple of times this week, I grabbed The Help off of my night stand and put it on the kitchen counter or the living room coffee table so that it was in my sight, reminding me of my desire to read more often, to really make it a part of my daily life.  It helped.  I got in a few pages of reading when I otherwise would not have done so.

What do you need to put in your sight so you remember your needs and not just leave them tossed aside?

Does reading feed you and fill up your cup?

My husband and I have a long standing joke about a cup of tea.

I will be craving a cup of hot, soothing tea, a caffeine pick me up, so I’ll boil water and make myself a cup.  Many times I just boil the water not getting to the cup of tea part.  The kettle will whistle and I’ll turn off the burner and be too busy attending to the kids needs, I’ll forget about the hot water in the kettle.

If I do actually make it to putting a tea bag in the cup and making a cup of tea it won’t be uncommon if I leave the cup on the kitchen windowsill to cool – forgetting about it, and discovering it hours later.

If my husband makes me a cup of tea and here’s where the joke is, he’ll say, Honey, I’ll just put your tea on the windowsill so you can forget about it.

This is what can happen not just in parenthood but in life, when it comes to attending to our needs.  We make attempts then get interrupted and distracted and forget about it.  Pushing it aside, telling ourselves we’ll just have to wait.  Other needs come first, our children, our job, our spouses, our parents, etc, etc.  So like the cup of tea on the windowsill, we turn cold and forgotten.

This is where practice comes in.  Start with putting the cup of tea in a more visible place, limiting the possibility of being ignored.  Make a list of the things YOU want to do for yourself: long walk, reading a book, meditating, watching a movie – uninterrupted, phone conversation, taking a class, painting a picture…whatever it is, then place that list in a visible place.  Seeing it every day may help remind you, Hey, I want and need to take care of myself. 

Then practice a new phrase, one that allows you to sip and savor your cup of tea and attend to the list on the fridge: I matter, I will make my cup of tea, and drink it too.

My friend, Angela Fleet, fills her cup by taking a painting class every Monday when her kids are in school.

Today I was filling my cup spiritually, physically and mentally by showing up to yoga class.  This has been an odd week for me with one child home for Spring Break, the other still in school. I have felt lopsided.  Regular schedule out of whack.  So I needed some order, some cup refilling.  With the hubby away for the next four nights, I hired a sitter, grabbed my water bottle and headed to hot yoga.

Earlier in the day, before yoga, the kids and I colored eggs.  And I have to say every year, I love this activity.  I let them go crazy, tons of cups with colored dye all over the table.  This year they got into it even more than in years past, experimenting with the colors.  It was a proud creative parenting moment.  Proud because they were the creative ones, I didn’t have to be the one forcing the activity, or the only one doing the activity, they were in to it.

My cup full of joy

Later in yoga class something out of order, off routine happened.  Right after our fourth pose, just as the sweat was dribbling down my back a yogini spoke up and said, Someone is banging on the front door and it looks like they really need to come in.  I couldn’t see the front door, but I could her a loud male voice, not angry loud, just loud.

The instructor went to check it out and came back asking if there was a Jane Doe in class.  Jane stood up immediately and went to the lobby, hubby John Doe followed.  We all got back to our business of sweating, centering and breathing.

Soon hubby came back, but wife was still in the lobby. I could see a portion of the lobby and snuck a look to find that a child was sitting with her mama, Jane Doe.  The rest of the 90 minutes went on with hubby back in class and mom sitting in the lobby with her child.  I don’t know the story, I just know a little girl wanted her mama right when her mama was doing something just for her.

That happens though, right? That happens to all of us. If it happened to me, if the sitter showed up to class with my children what would have I done?  Well, our sitter is only twelve and doesn’t drive so if something were truly wrong, an adult would have gotten me and of course I would have headed to the lobby leaving my mat and towel behind.

Not knowing the particulars, I felt for the mom.  Hubby got to come back and finish class while she held her daughter.  She looked so calm, so unruffled when class was over and I caught eyes with her in the lobby.

Maybe the little bit of class that she got was enough.  Maybe holding her daughter was all she needed right then too.  For it can work like that sometimes…filling our cup can happen in the moment we are holding our child, being where we need to be.  Dying Easter eggs.

by J.G. McGlothern